Crazybolloxs cam instalment thread minus the pictures as they do not show up at my organisation. The picture do make it funnier for those that haven't seen it its well worth heading over to the links.
Hey fellas, thanks for all the welcomes. Instalment 1 of cam modification.
So Jubby has a sister that bought an FZ8 brand new in 2013 and managed to put approx 3000 kms on the thing in in about 18 months before She sold it to Jubby who it is worth mentioning that all other previous motorcycling has been tuned to the limit 2 strokes other than his last bike which was a Suzuki GSXR 600 purchased brand new during our time in New Zealand. The Gixer was sold to one of his mates prior to us leaving for Australia and Jubby engaged in the challenge of drinking the proceeds as fast as he could on our arrival here. Yes he drank a Gixer in about 4 weeks.
So with the previous history of tuning Jubby decides the Eight is game for and will receive some engine work but at this point he doesn't know what. Then came the phone call, "hello mate I am going to put some R1 cams into the eight I have done some research and it's easy" what do you think "your an idiot" no seriously it's simple, "your an idiot" why "it's never simple when you get in there and have to change lumps of metal that belong on other bikes" I will research further "ok" he hangs up the Phone - who was that my wife asks - Jubby I say - what's he say - he's getting a divorce I reply.
Ring ring - hello, "it's me I found some cams in America on the R1 forum" - "your an idiot, I quote the bikes only done 3k" yeah I know but the cams are on their way as we speak, " fuck" I say realising he is serious. Are you with me he asks? Yeah I say (I am an idiot) let me know when they arrive. "Who was that my wife asks? "Jubby" what's he say? - we are getting a divorce I reply!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stay tuned for further instalments.
Read more:
fz8central.proboards.com/thread/3122/hey#ixzz3wPbs85GsInstalment 2 of Jubbys R1 cams installation.
Their's a sweet little blond haired girl famous for a line in a movie called Poltergeist, "They're Here" she laments softly just befor the contents of hell break through the floor wreaking havoc on the occupants of the house she lives in.
Ring Ring - Hello, it's Jubby, yeah what you want? " They're Here" he says referring to the arrival of the R1 cams desting for installation into his Eight. "Fuck" I reply, what? He questions. We are going to need a few a things, tell me of the following which you have got, A case of Germany's finest beer, a timing degree wheel, a dial in TDC gauge, a high impact air powered wrench, a torque wrench? "None" he says. Ok let's start with the beer I will be round at the weekend.
Following Day - Ring Ring - hello - it's Jubby, "they are out" what's out? " the old cams" fuck me I reply, what time were you up til last night 3am, I also ordered all the gear we need from e bay, the shit will be here by the weekend, great will see you on Saturday. Knock knock who is it, it's me crazy, let's get stuck into these cams, yeah but let's get stuck into the grog first, good idea where's the bottle opener?
Hey, what, are we pissed or is the middle of that degree wheel oval and not round, it's oval "Fuck" that will throw us out, don't worry I will fix it, with what I ask ? Sticky tape, what, tape your having a laugh, no, show mw, ok
Ok that should work.....!
We didn't get the dial in gauge Jubby says, I met a bloke once called Joe at the Yamaha shop I say, will he have one, yes I say, you should call him ok I will, Jubby calls, " is this Joe, Yes, ok you met my Dad once at the yamaha shop, probably a couple of years of ago - who's your Dad? "Gazza" Jubby says, He,s an idiot Joe says, that's him... Hey you two let's not pretend I am not stood here listening.... Fuck you - ok fuck me, just get the dial in gauge.
So when you took out the old cams, you made timing marks right "NO" you made a reference point right"NO" you took photos right "NO" why? We don't need them - ok I beleive you, I will just dremmell out and polish all the ports leaving a knife edge and larger holes for petrol flow, exhaust gasses etc, Your an idiot" it's got valves Jubby says, - aah, I say, ports don't need timing marks like your doesn't ..... "Fuck off" Jubby says!!!
Read more:
fz8central.proboards.com/thread/3122/hey#ixzz3wPcGG2CtInstalment 3 Jubbys R1 cams,
Ok so by now I have painted the picture to the following - we have everything we need to complete the job to absolute perfection except experience which is a trivial ingredient because no matter how bad we can fuck this up someone can fix it right? So let's get started,
what's this, "it's a cam shaft, there should be two" where's the other? "It's in that box", ok I got it, " not that one that's the old one" "looks exactly the same," "stop fuckin around and be serious just for once....Ok I say.
So the cams go in, the degree wheel is set up all we need to do is set up the dial in gage and we are away, you got any ideas I ask " yeah go into Eva's (his young daughter) toy room and grab her school desk whilst I go get a baking tray from the oven"
the desk is slid into the space between the engine and the front wheel with the baking tray filmy screwed to it to avoid any movement, the magnetic base to the gage is locked in and the pointer to the gage is short of hitting the valve by several inches, " fuck" is the universal cry from both of us in unison. "What now" I ask " go into the garden and get Eva,s push bike, "what"? " You heard go get her bike" ok I got the bike - PING is the best word I can use to describe the sound as the pliers begin to cut through the wheel spokes..... What the fuck you doing - " it's ok, Joe reckons the thread on the end fits into the dial in gage and you can use the spokes as a pointer / feeler" well fuck me it fits, I may have just elevated Jubby above idiot level...
That should do it.
What the fuck is wrong with this thing, I can't get a stable reading Jubby asks -" I don't know man, it's a digital peice of shit, in my day we just watched a needle move" (now another throw back also from my earlier days was if we changed the carpet in the house the old carpet would invariably be laid in the garage to prevent laying or sitting on the cold concrete floor in the winter when undertaking difficult jobs) "maybe the carpet is allowing the table to move"? Yeah - fuck it lets cut it, pass me the knife. "Right the desk is firmly on the floor now, have another go" " "what the fuck is wrong with thing" " I don't know, back in my day" "yeah yeah yeah, back in your day computers had wooden balls that slid on a rail and only counted to 10" "Fuck off" I lament.
Ring ring- is that Joe - yeah - it's Jubby here - what's wrong - he goes on to explain the bouncing digits - " well you need to get the dial fixed to the bike to avoid the slightest movement having any effect on the gage" " yeah but we have a kiddies desk and baking tray for that" "you two belong in a circus, don't ring me again" I " might have to" brrrrrrrrrrr as Joe hangs up the phone. What did he say I ask "he says your a clown" I begin "back in my Day" "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CENILE OLD CUNT" "fancy a beer " I ask walking towards the largest fridge full of piss any garage has ever seen......!
"How long we been drinking" fuck knows" how many times the cams been in and out now? " you mean today or total" "today" "three" Jubby informs, "Why you asking" "well, I can see a face in all the paint we used for the timing marks" "fuck off" Jubby laments, "what's my job for tomorrow"? I ask. "Bring more piss" comes the answer" "ok, you think that's a full moon" "fuck off home" he says " ok, will see you tomorrow"........!
Read more:
fz8central.proboards.com/thread/3122/hey#ixzz3wPcVEGulOk instalment 4 of R1 cams and apologies for the delay, Jubby droped his bike on the slowest easiest fuckin corner in the world and its took 4 weeks to stop laughing.
So after covering many Miles trying to find the correct thread of the cylinder head bolts, installing 6 inch of washers to take up the slack we now have the dial in gauge fixed in the proper place and the pointer giving the readings we are looking for. "How we going with our ECU flash" I ask - yeah they are on thier way to the U.S., - great, how long will they take to come back - should be about 4 weeks all up- ok, all we can do is wait it,s in the lap of the postal service to perform- in that case we are fucked says Jubby.
Fancy a beer? Yeah grab a couple the opener is on top of the fridge- great way to start the technical stuff, drinking German piss!!!!!!
Right new shimms in, camms in place, happy with the gaps, timing chain in place and just awaiting the ECU to start it up. The ECU's arrives back ( we sent both his for the FZ8 and mine for the FZ1) it is saturday morning and great care has been taken to get the bike to this stage, during the project, we have fucked and blinded, took the piss, drunk the piss, agreed and disagreed our way through, but now is the time for the reckoning. The ECU is in, the battery is charged, all that is left is turn of the key. We look at each other with hope in our eyes, a hand shake, a final brotherly hug lets go.
Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh goes the engine, then nothing, uh uh uh uh uh, BANG ,,,,, what the fuck? An enormous explosion of ignited fuel...... Try it again I say - it's not going to go (Jubby) - uh uh uh uh BANG -fuck me that is not good - So fuckin tel me something I don't know says Jubby feeling the frustration - you don't know but in Europe they are now printing money on Greece proof paper.... A joke? Your telling me fuckin jokes "now" of all times!!!! No I am telling you something you didn't know - fuck off and grab a couple of beers.
I think the fuckin camms are wrong says Jubby - no, they can't be we checked and checked - I am not confident he says - Right get the tank off, it's time have a look what's going on with the fuel first. Ok start it up I will look down the air intake, uh uh uh uh uh BANG........ Did you see that says Jubby, I can't answer him for laughing, i am laughing so fuckin hard - what's so fuckin funny you fucking idiot - YOU LOST YOUR FUCKIN EYE BROWS i say - what do you mean - well they're fuckin gone, you know like Elvis fuckin Presly GONE. - fuck off !!!!!!!! My laughter returns and he's off to find a mirror.
He returns with a "fuck me" that was real close. - and real lucky too - what the fuck you mean lucky - well it could have been my head down there - Cunt was his reply which made me laugh again. Ok what next I ask - the fuckin camms are coming out - NO don't do that, I don't think its the cams, - it must be - no I say, maybe the the ECU,s got mixed up somehow, well I am pretty sure Carlos returned them back in the packaging they were both. Sent in - how sure - 90% - fuck it send him an e mail - what's he say - we can Skype him - do it I say
Ring ring - is that Carlos - yeah - hey great to meet you man - yeah likewise - what time is it over there - 2am, I am on the beer - fuck me this be interesting - mate any chance you could have mixed up the ECU,s on the bikes - no fuckin chance - they are returned as sent - Bollox that's not what we wanted to hear - what's wrong asks Carlos - so we tell him the story. Anyway no solution that day so Jubby is adamant the cams are coming back out. Right I am off, I can't take any more of this camm shit, I am off to fit my ECU and ride into the mountains while you fuck with your camm shaft. I leave laughing to a quote of "and change your trousers, you smell of piss you old cunt!!!!
As soon as I get in the ECU is in and I am ready, uh uh uh uh goes the engine BANG - what the fuck - uh uh uh uh BANG, FUCK ME - ring ring - hello - hey Jubby put your spanners away it's not your camms, my bike is doing the same - what Exactly the same - yeah exactly the same except I still have my eye brows.............!
Next day I am at home, ring ring - hello - I am enquiring about the bike for sale - what - the bike you have advertised - what bike - the bike on Gumtree, looks really good and at $5k I will have it - my bike is not for sale- it's advertised - I put the phone down - ring ring I am enquiring about the FZ for sale, - it's not for sale - it's advertised - it's not for sale - this went on all fuckin day, Fuckin Jubby has listed my bike the bastard, not just listed, it's so fuckin cheap its a front page feature because of the number of hits.......! Ring ring - Hello - who's laughing now Jubby says - fuck off I say.........! For the record one guy wanted to swap my bike for his MILF mother!!!!!!
cunt.............!
Read more:
fz8central.proboards.com/thread/3122/hey#ixzz3wPcxMZGPFifth and final entry of R1 Cams .
so after 9 weeks, 6 x 24 packs of piss, lots of laughter but more frustration, early starts, late finishes, my bike put up for sale, ECU's off to America and back, we got to the point where both bikes will fire but not run. we are not out of ideas and begin to look at the ECU's for the problem as we have mainly eliminated everything else. It's hard to believe that both ECU's could be fucked as a result of the flash.
Enter Carlos (Dr. Doom) who realises the problem with one conversation. It seems the Flash has sent the ECU's into American spec and our bikes are European spec with built in immobilizer, something the U.S. bikes don't have and this is causing the problem. The bikes are doing what they are doing because they think they have been stolen and trying to be started from a dodgy key. The electronic operation is a three way hand shake between key, immobilizer, and ECU and if one of them does not shake back then no go brother. And speaking of brothers don't let anyone ever tell you that the brotherhood of bikies has gone or is not what it used to be as this is wrong. Carlos a big thanks man for your efforts in sending through international post your own gear for us to resolve the problem at this end, your a top bloke!!
ok bikes running so lets ride. Out for the first ride we decide a run across Mount Glorious and lake wivenhoe will be the test. nothing to serious at first as we are listening for taps, rattles, clunks or bangs but amazingly for a couple of inexperienced fuck wits all is good so we start to ride. further we got, faster we went and boy is that 8 performing well. not perfect yet but big improvements. biggest worry is the lack of power down low, but when it hits 7k its like a two stroke and you better hold the fuck on or your off the back. turned out the problem was the exhaust which we suspected from the start,no back pressure with the cheapo Dan Moto from China but now the TBR carbon cab is on along with the removal of the cat it is much better. still work in progress and both our exhausts are booked in for more modifications in the header pipes before a custom map from a dyno run.
Just wanted to thank everyone on this site for the input, you are all champions in our eyes.
Massive thanks to Dr Doom who went way beyond the call of duty - Beers on us if we ever meet!!!!!!
Thanks to everyone for reading the installments, i hope i amused you along the way.
Thanks for all the comments too, they are really appreciated.
Jubby - you constantly surprise me with your determination and hunger for knowledge. I reckon even Joe Marshal was impressed by you and that my friend is an accolade which is earned, it is never given lightly if at all by Joe.
I am proud to have you as my son and call you my mate , but ask me to engage in shit like this again as i will fuckin disown you instantly!!!!!!
Do we really have to take these fuckers out again, the face says it all
Elation - around the back of Wivenhoe and everything works kick ass good.
Read more:
fz8central.proboards.com/thread/3122/hey#ixzz3wPd2vTYy
